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Essays/Stories/News

“Sometimes we need to stop doing in order to open to our Being. We cannot create the life that we desire if there is no room for silence.” From Make Magic of Your Life

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When do you listen to the Gods?

When do you listen to your heart and soul?

When do you pause to ask what is underneath this emotion, or that sense of hurry?

How well do you allow yourself to root into your life?

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Without the power of silence, we cannot choose, we can only react, because we’ve made no space to sense or know what we want, or what feels right.

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I met a man on the BART train this week as I was heading in for my soup kitchen shift. As I read a book, I noticed how completely still he was. Still, yet upright and aware. Hands stable on his thighs. Dreadlocks flowing down his shoulders, head straight. Not looking out a window. Not fidgeting. Just still.

Finally, I leaned toward him and asked, “Do you meditate?”

Smiling, surprised, he asked what I had said. I repeated the question: “Do you meditate?”

“Yes,” he said. “I spend a lot of time quiet.”

“I can tell,” I said. “You are so quiet inside.”

What ensued was a lively conversation about his life – he lives half the year in his home in Costa Rica and half in the US so he can work. It is hard to make a living in Costa Rica, and he has a child to support.

This man had a sense of curiosity about himself. An openness. A sense of joy. And the still quality never left throughout the conversation. There was no awkwardness, either. Here was a man with the ability to choose.

Part of what he chooses is to be present in the world.

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Without cultivating quiet time in our lives, we limit our ability to be present.

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When we are not present with what is, we become trapped in cycles of worry or regret. We are always assigning labels to things to help us keep track of what we may or may not want. It becomes harder and harder to see past the labels to how things actually are. It becomes easier to let the world choose for us, rather than for us to choose the world.

By “cultivating silence” I mean the practice of sitting with ourselves. Sitting with the altar of our lives. Sitting in the presence of our Gods. Sitting and breathing, and letting thoughts, or emotions, or pain, or worry all rise and fall. We can make silence around us even if we are not silent within. We can choose to sit quietly for awhile. We can choose to take a walk under the trees. We can choose to turn off the television or the news. We can choose to breathe. To just breathe.

Eventually, our soul will get used to the practice of choosing quiet over clamor. Eventually, our mind and emotions will grow comfortable in the presence of this opportunity, this spaciousness. Eventually, our thoughts and emotions, our physical aches, our personality preferences, will start to settle down.

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In the space that opens, we can just be. And then that being can choose.


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Make Magic of Your Life: Passion, Purpose, and the Power of Desire is available from Fields Books or your local bookstore (if you are lucky enough to still have one).

 

Occasionally, we are walking along our path, and we forget who we are. We forget that the tugging pulling us forward is the longing of heart and soul. We get caught in the pattern of habit and assumption. We forget we had intention.

We forget we play a vital part in the world.

We need reminders that life itself holds magic.

So I ask the following questions to help get us back on course if need be, or to strengthen the course of those who are sure of the way:

What reminds you of the sacredness of things? 

What humbles you?

What lifts you up?

What causes prayer to rise up from your heart?

When do you speak the words of thanks and honor? 

To whom do you speak them?

What tugs at your heart and whispers in your ear? 

Some days the way feels clear, and other days, murky and obstacle filled. But the path is ever in front of us, and our compass lies within.

Take a breath. Find center.

Where is your North, South, East, and West?

What expands above your head and supports your feet? 

What is your intention for today?

 

“The word evolution means change, something turning into something else. It happens all the time.” – Ursula LeGuin

I had insomnia the other night. It happens. In the state of not sleeping – a wide awakeness that meditation wasn’t going to touch – I put down my book and checked my Twitter feed. Then I clicked on something.

It was the briefest of news items. 9 year old Omaree Varela called 911. The operator heard a woman and a man berating the boy, as he cried, telling him he deserved far more abuse than what they had just given him.

Six months later, he is dead.

I held him in my heart that night. I talked to him. I told him I was so sorry this had happened. So sorry this had been his life. I don’t think he heard me. I was doing it to comfort myself.

When terrible things happen, and we learn of them, we wish there was something we could do to fix the situation.

What happened to Omaree Varela happens all over the world. Daily. Perhaps even each minute. A mile from where I live feels like a killing zone. Families are always mourning. Further away, drones drop bombs on wedding parties. Women and children are raped. Dolphins slaughtered.

This is part of the human condition.

Yet, I have experienced kindness and beauty. I have experienced change.

These are part of the human condition.

I’m not always the kindest person inside. I often feel impatience. Harshness. I was raised by a man who was abused, and who abused us. I was raised by a woman who didn’t know how to stand up to abuse, or how to walk away. It was *never* as bad as Omaree had it. Not one tenth as bad. But it shaped me.

I have healed. I’m not a broken person. Impatient and harsh at times, yes. But not abusive. Not rage filled. Not withdrawn.

Why am I saying this? Because healing is also part of the human condition. Those who tell us things will always be this bad are only looking at the pictures forged in terror and pain. They don’t see the images of life renewed. They don’t see the golden cracks mending the shattered bowls. They have forgotten about beauty.

They don’t know that we can change.

We can change. I’ve seen it in myself, in my mother, in my students, in spiritual direction clients, and in my friends.

I believe we must find ways to heal, and to help one another heal.

Healing starts when we breathe in the smallest amounts of courage or compassion: To speak. To unfold. To ask. To love. 

It starts when we take a moment to wonder if the person we are vilifying or cowed by is perhaps in pain. It starts when we talk to our neighbors instead of calling the police. It starts when we offer extra vegetables from the garden. It starts when we learn first aid so we can be of service. It starts by opening a door. It starts by asking, “How may I help you?” It starts by asking how we, ourselves, can find the help we need.

Help didn’t come for Omaree in time. But he was right to ask for it. And it doesn’t mean the rest of us should give up trying.

We can lay awake all night, and rise again come morning.

We can heal this world. We can take care of one another. We can ask for help.

It starts today. 

 
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