Unity in the material is black. Unity in light waves is white. I commit to both. I commit to the intermingling and mixing of many colors to form the all-encompassing blackness. I commit to these same colors striving for a union that draws my soul in light. I commit to living life out loud, and seeking out the silence. I commit to Love. I commit to Will.
Lifting steel and iron is an act of prayer. Slicing a tomato is an act of sex. Sitting in meditation is an act of love. Kissing a beloved is an act of will. What will it take for me to realize this fully, in every cell of my Being?
Last week, my trainer challenged me yet again. She asked me to examine what importance I placed on my physical work versus my other work. This brought me up short. Knowing I teach that the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual are one to me, and knowing that I strive to integrate all, and that, as an intellectual, I have worked my ass off to be physical and emotional… I still, deep inside, fail to fully embrace my body. Workouts are still something I “make time for” rather than seeing as simply another necessary part of my spiritual life, my Great Work, and my practice. I can still think that going to the gym is something I do before the rest of my day starts, and that sometimes doing so makes my day feel crunched. How will I fit my work in? How will I not? It is all my Work.
This challenge was good fodder, and the reason why I often say we all need teachers. Good teachers catch those blind spots we so assiduously avoid.
While striving to listen to my body as I listen to emotions, mind, Contact, guides, and soul, I still can default into “I should work out” because deep down, it is not my first impulse, so I know I need to engage will, and know I need to fight against sloth. But that is not the relationship I seek. I seek to listen and ask my body what it truly needs. I do this around food. I can do this on the road when my body really wants some sit-ups, jumping jacks, crunches and triceps dips in my room because sitting in airports and airplanes the day before makes the body crave movement. Putting movement into my classes is second nature, as is riding my bike and walking. Yet, not listening happens when habit takes over, and sometimes will becomes force. Sometimes rest is what is necessary. So listening becomes the practice once again.
I ask a lot of myself, and a lot of my students and clients. I want to ask even more: for fuller awareness that the separation we enact is false. That going to the gym is just like listening to my guides, or meditating, or writing, or talking with clients, or planning classes, or making good food. It is not something to be fit in. It is simply another part of my physical spiritual life.
Magic makes each moment. Magic is in matter and in aether. Light and dark are glorious in my sight.