You are onto something.

In my experience, constant reaction can lead to a sense of diminished autonomy. The urge to control tries to counter that diminishment – causing us to feel we are back in the driver’s seat.

The reason I find it useful is that it turns out that I am great at resisting what is and wishing things were different. So maybe acknowledging or accepting (in the sense of “I accept that this is what is true right now”) are better words for the opposite of that

yes, noticing is such a helpful practice!

“trying to see it and let it be what it is rather than fan the flames or try to stamp them out.” This is a perfect illustration of not controlling, but being with.

thanks

curiosity has become a powerful ally to me as well. I tend to *know* things with certainty which sometimes feels helpful but often leads to blocking learning. When I’m curious, I can honor my knowing and be open to possibility at the same time.

love what is? That can feel hard. If I can’t love what is, perhaps I can at least acknowledge what is.

thanks for your insights!

I’m also finding curiosity to be a useful ally. Havi Brooks makes a great distinction between WEAR (What Everybody Agrees is Reality) and TEAR (The Ego’s Arbitrary Reality), and staying curious about what’s really in WEAR keeps me from trying to control it but frees me to release my stories and assumptions.

I really like the notice>engage>release/notice>release>engage model, and am adding it to my toolbox as another thing to play with (along with center-and-circumference, kala, etc.) Thank you for this!

We all wrestle with consequences of choice. In looking at your last two blog posts I think: what a great opportunity for dialogue and deeper learning. You and the community wouldn’t have that if you a/ were not willing to take the risk with that first post and b/ were not self-aware enough to wrestle deeply and follow through with personal conversations and that second post you made today. Yes, your process is more transparant right now than ego probably likes (I deeply dislike public scrutiny, but it comes with the territory of having the privilege of a public voice) *and* it gives you opportunity to do what you are doing: show us deeper insights and point us to our own processes by exposing us to your own. Brave. Honest. Wonderful.

Sometimes a little freaking out, or a little venting, or a little fill-in-the-blank is healthy. As long as we can return to noticing, engaging, releasing, and not get stuck.

thank you.

(and folks, I linked to Teo in another comment if you want to look at what we are speaking of)

I really resonate with the concept of the “pleasure of presence” that is the satisfaction I feel these days, the deep satisfaction of a life engaged. Not extreme highs and lows, but pleasurable equanimity, even when times feel rough.

Noticing patterns like you speak of helps us to tune in to things that might actually offer greater comfort than what we choose when we tune out. We might take a bath or meditate instead of eating a whole pint of ice cream or talking badly to ourselves. We get to be kinder to ourselves in a holistic fashion. What a great opportunity.

Yes. Space. Thanks for speaking to this.