Who Are You…right now?



“None of us is as good as we think we are. Every one of us is more than we think we can be.” - Dolores Ashcroft-Nowicki

Take a breath and read that quote again.

The inflation and deflation of our sense of self serves to protect us. It also holds us back.

What is your work today? How will you know yourself in this moment? What are you projecting outward and what are you hiding?

We can choose to be both who we are, and who we are becoming. When we balance those two things, our choices become more clear: here is how I feel and think today, how will I act to best serve the large arc of my being? So many of us get caught in the moment to moment arcs or we get lost in the large, overarching dream. We need both.

I want to recall what the long term wish for my being is, and then make choices in the moment that best match that. Sometimes I will do better than others, and that is OK. There is no static perfection, just the long process of learning how to be.

We are more than we think, and that is not the puffed up shell of an out of balance ego. We are more than we think because we are limited by what our very imaginations will allow. Can we stretch the realm of possibility today? Can we risk becoming more?

23 Responses to “Who Are You…right now?”

  1. Michael Butler Smith

    Lately Thorn you seem to be peering into my inner world – perfect timing as always! Recalling “the long term wish for my being” has been central lately.Those smaller arcs can become “shells” that sometimes hem us in and dim our vision to the larger arc of our lives. I’ve been caught up for a while in “writer’s blues and publishing woes” – and they’ve (temporarily) made me forget that long term wish, the central Mystery and larger Vision of my life. Although I still function just fine helping others find their way to Spirit/God/dess, my own *active* personal progress has taken more of a back-seat. It feels like I’m “playing small” sometimes – when I know things could be different. Love and gratitude for the reminder and spiritual sign-post!

      • Michael Butler Smith

        Absolutely Thorn – I wonder sometimes if that need to re-assess is wired right into some of us. My Libra scales are often tipping one way or another during that process. And while it can be a challenge to do, it ultimately takes us deeper into who we truly are – that larger arc and inner wish.

  2. David Salisbury

    This feels like a wonderful reminder to strive for goodness, yet to be gentle with ourselves in the process. To me, spirituality doesn’t mean I need to be perfect or “hold it together” all the time. My Craft means that when devastation strikes, I’m not subject to the wild swings of emotion that destabilizes my center. It helps me have a point to pivot from so I can return to balance when I need to. The Dolores quote is refreshing reminder that our humanity doesn’t have to hinder us. It can bring us endless potential to reach for more. Which then reminds me of Rumi’s words “what you seek is seeking you.”

    • Thorn

      David, not only does our humanity not have to hinder us, it does – as you say – enable us to expand!

      We need to continue to find ways to include everything in our process.

  3. Rootrealm

    Because I’m sensitive to valuative statements such as “good/bad”, I would reword Dolores’ statement for use for myself as “NOne of us is yet all that we could be.” Under my paradigm and value system I don’t find it useful to strive for goodness, or perfection, as doing so tends to result in a suppression of shadow elements in the psyche. Rather, I find it helpful to orient towards becoming more (or is it really — becoming “less”? Less is more?) by simply practicing allowing and “radical acceptance” of whatever is there in my field of experience, and pursuing an inclusive “dirty” wholeness rather than a “clean” perfection, as it were.

    During this year, I’ve struggled with a sequence of re-traumatizing events and threats to my basic survival needs and security, and a lot of fear, and psychological “contraction”, and so I’ve had to constantly turn to what helps restore the “vast expanse” of Self and Psyche. Music and time in Nature, & practices of letting go, help me restore my relationship with the Great Mother, who enlarges me through love.

    • Thorn

      ” Music and time in Nature, & practices of letting go, help me restore my relationship with the Great Mother, who enlarges me through love.”

      Beautiful. It sounds like you are in the midst of a strong process. Inclusion is a very important part of my work. We are not here to transcend, but to include as much of life as possible.

  4. Bradley Allen Bennett Two Crows

    At this moment it seems to me that the triangle of Seeking, Becoming, and Being is a flat cycle in my life. While I certainly appreciate, nay revere, the divine cycles, I find that both deepening and transcendence move me out of that flat triangle, out of the habits of comparisons, goal setting, assessing and reassessing the essence I think of as me, I, and my. Neti Neti.


    What called me to your page were the words “Know Thyself”. I have been studying and doing my best to embody those words for a few years now. They have taken me through joys and heartaches I wouldn’t have thought possible when I began.

    What I find now, is that when I get out of my own way, do my best to not only move in my own unique perfect selfness, but find no enmity in that essence, to treat it with kindness, and see it as both earthly and divine, both real and imaginary, and something far less than static, I do well. I do better in fact than I have ever done before.

    Drumming, Dancing, Dreaming, sense Deprivations, and a couple of other D’s I won’t mention here have lifted me out of myself so well, so completely, and so often, that I find that the flat triangle is raised into a tetrahedron only in Doing.

    Right now, I AM consciousness in love with doing…

    LVX – Σκία – NOX – Είδωλο
    Two Crows

    • Thorn

      Action is an important part of the equation, and is the product of our will. I’m thinking of the visual of the 3 of discs and how the triangle is formed into the pyramid by work. We need to include it all.

      The non-dual state of consciousness, the I am, the Neti Neti, includes all of our parts and indeed, the whole cosmos.

      I’m glad to read about your journey. Thanks so much for sharing your work with us.

  5. Sandy

    As I’ve moved deeper and deeper into my work, I’ve found that for me, the trick is dancing with both the overarching arc of my work int his world, and the day-to-day steps of what I need to do now. When I linger too long looking at that beautiful arc of where my work is going, it can be overwhelming. The day to day steps bring me back to what to do now to keep my work moving in that arc. When I get mired down in the day to day steps, that overarching vision reminds me why I am doing this work, what does it serve, where are we going. It’s only by alternating between the two and letting those views occaisionally overlap that I can keep working effectively and keep serving my work in this world.

    Sometimes I can dance that dance easily, sometimes I get overwhelmed or mired down (or both – they aren’t mutually exclusive). Each time around (I hope) I get more capable at navigating the dance, and knowing myself and how I work and how I do my work in this world.

  6. What Do I Believe Anyway?

    […] allow. Can we stretch the realm of possibility today? Can we risk becoming more?” – T. Thorn CoyleI believe that my highest service to these powers is being done by writing The Wild Hunt every day. […]

  7. Orelia

    Greetings Thorn!

    I was moved to travel here by the title of this blog post in the link. I was drawn to the question of Who I am…Right Now and it brought up for me the changing and static nature(s) of self and selves as I move along my path. I am at any given moment a unique being colored and influenced by all of the experiences and thoughts I am having, and have had.

    At the same time, my thoughts or impressions of what will be are what make up that overreaching arc of my life – my intentions and what I am becoming.

    Who we are is changing all the time and is linked to the aspects of our selves that remain constant over time – though those may shift too, given enough time. The thought feels a little circular, but right. As I read, I felt expansive, opening in all directions, especially above my crown and below my root chakras. My body and spirit had a powerful response to your words!

    Reflecting on who I am right now frees me from getting stuck or bogged down in who I was and not knowing who I will be as I focus and move more deeply on who I am in this moment. Thank you!

    • Thorn

      Yes! I often say that everything is in process, including God Herself, and including ourselves. I’m always looking for the shifting relationships of self internally and the shifting of relationships with all beings, situations, and things around me.Our essence – what is at our core – shifts much more slowly, becoming a compass for our journey, and offering a sense of “home” to return to.

      “Reflecting on who I am right now frees me from getting stuck or bogged down in who I was and not knowing who I will be as I focus and move more deeply on who I am in this moment. Thank you!”

      I love this sentence. What a marvelous position to be in.

      You are welcome!

  8. Christel Sparks

    For myself, I have been various versions of myself though core values and inner identity have always been there from the first years in my parent’s home. What I find interesting is how people look at the now you and don’t realize what a convoluted path it took to get there for most people. I’m disabled so got pretty heavy, but I was a hiker, bike rider, dancer and agility person. They don’t realize I have a lost physicality. Now I’ve taken up arts and writing, and today I taught an art class, but by nature I had a B.S. and was an industrial engineer. I’m in a happy marriage but had been a badly abused women in a prior marriage. It goes on and on like that, and it can confuse us ourselves so how do we answer who are you to others? Most people want to know what you are doing for a living or for hobbies if retired. That’s action in the now, and don’t really say that much about the who. Who are you questions run much deepr and cover WHY do you do these things as well as HOW, too. WHY and HOW get to WHO. I love the bucket list concept as it helps me plan and prioritize things.

    • Jade Porter

      Christel, I have found this to be so true as well! I will be 56 next week, and feel like I have lived several incarnations in this one life alone! “Who Am I” cannot be melted down into “what I currently do for a living”.

      Thorn… I am loving this conversation and this post…

      • Thorn

        Christel and Jade, who we are at core hopefully infuses all of these identities. Hopefully we learn not to identify too much with the trappings. Solidifying around an identity is a good way to freeze our learning, growing, and becoming.

        Thanks so much for your wise words, both of you.

  9. Circe_David Garrido Masmitjà

    For me, being and becoming has been the issue of my life, in all spiritual philosophies was always this disjunction: or to be in the now or to want to be something more. It was hard for me to choose one or the other, I’ve always had the picture of I’m in point A and I want to go to point B. There had to be something to conciliate both. I’ve discovered that, in order to conciliate that in me, I must think-feel-speak-act today, now, as I will be in the future, in order to become it. The point is that we have to make peace with where we are now, I mean, to accept what-is as it is and this is not just to resign letting it be how it is, but to be glad for it, to be willing or eager for the now-present moment to be exactly as it is and knowing it is the best way it can be and it is absolutely wonderful as it is, in order to let it catapult me into the next level. I was always afraid that giving too much weight to the now would keep me in it forever, however, I discovered that if I gladly accept it as it is, I integrate it in the whole scheme of things, and now I’m moving towards what it can be. Sometimes I must let go, not to be what I am in order to become what I can be, that happens with things that doesn’t serve me anymore. But for the most part, the gladly acceptance or apprecitation is the key as well as me starting to think-feel-speak-act as I want to become. I hope this make sense.
    Great post!!! I’m reading all of them, but I find short time to give a full answer, but this one, deserved to find time under stones! (like we say in Spanish).

    • Thorn

      Yes! integration again – my favorite watchword. I agree that gratitude for our lives as they are helps us continue to move toward what our lives can be.

  10. Cat Dubh

    Being and Becoming. As I look back over a long life-time I see the child becoming/being traumatized, being/becoming a retreater into Other Worlds. All the different being/becoming of creative spiritual/mental/emotional recovery/development and all the sweet sweet women/teachers who saw my soul and loved me in spite of me. Being/becoming set adrift to survive in a foreign environment, being/becoming mad as a hatter, being/becoming loved. Being/becoming Mother, young so young – being/becoming lost in deep black hole – being/becoming awakened and healed through love, talented caring psychiatry, shamanic wisdom, spiritual pathworking, psychotherapy, hard work, – being/becoming Crone – ’tis nearly over now, and now I’m easy. Being/becoming Old Crone Grandmother, being/becoming embracer of Death, being/becoming traveler in Otherworlds, being/becoming the intimate of Otherworld beings, being/becoming channel, being/becoming love for traumatized children – and so the being/becoming circle begins and proceeds and resolves and ends and begins again. Being/becoming birth life death and rebirth. Being/becoming a lover of the great challenges of living, being/becoming the simplicity of Love. For all those who are being/becoming in the posts before this one I salute your being/becoming courage, your being/becoming compassion, your being/becoming love. The being/becoming journey is your being/becoming life. Many being/becoming blessings for all your being/becomings and much love for the All.

    • Thorn

      Cat Dubh,

      I really like the way you’ve expressed this. One thought I’ve been having in recent years is that at each stage in life we have a chance to be apprentice, journeyer, and master. The mastery of the earlier phases doesn’t leave us, but we get to learn new things in the new phase. May we always embrace being/becoming!


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